i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
