We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
