yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
