get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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