ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
