if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need water and some morals
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
