Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
