and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
