I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
