just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
