So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
