careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
