i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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