Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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