Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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