I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
