When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
