Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
