The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
