Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
