You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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