We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
