Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
