brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
