Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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