Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
