Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
