Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
