just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
