hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
