there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
