they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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