If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
