I wish my penis had an off switch
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
