I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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