And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
