New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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