its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
