ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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