i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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