her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
