Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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