Ambien. No doubt about it.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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