You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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