Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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