i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
