The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
