My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
