i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
