ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
