dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hippo gnu deer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
