I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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