she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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