If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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