i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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