Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
