i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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