i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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