I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
