I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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