I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
